W1D6 - PACE

P for Passion
A for Attitude
C for Change
E for Extreme

Those were the 4 words I chose at the beginning of the program, 6 days ago. When I got home today, around 12:15 AM, those words were hanging on my wall beside my bed. It was like my angel knew I needed to see them there. That person knew that I needed to see them everyday as a reminder of what this program is all about for me. We as NUOVAites all chose different words to fit the word PACE. All of our journey's are very different, yet today was a day I realized that is okay. You can pretend to think it's okay that you aren't having the same journey as someone else, but to really believe that it's okay is a totally different conclusion for the heart. Those 4 words give me a sense of support and grounding, and I believe in them. It's only been a week, and those words continue to resonate in my body. I want all of those words all the time, surging through my blood, pumping into everything I do.

Today I realized I CAN change. And I don't mean that I've been living a lie and all of a sudden I have to change everything about me. NO NO NO NO, don't freak out, I'm not freaking out about this. This is Justin realizing that he needs to stop trying to impress everyone. It's not like that is a terrible thing, being a pleaser, but if it consumes you, you've gone too far. When we are doing a creative exercise in Creative Process with Carol Castel (an amazing performance thinker from New York, seriously, she is just beyond what words could describe. Her presence at Nuova, along with her Husband Nico Castel, is unforgetable and truely inspirational) I am too busy freaking out about the fact that I have to answer the question that i don't really think about the question. I'm too focused on the fact that I, me, Justin Friesen needs to answer the question, because that makes me a better person. The problem I see now is that I'm wasting too much energy and brain power thinking about the fact the I need to find an answer. Rather, why not just listen to the question with an open heart, and respond. The same thing goes for when I'm reading something. I put on my Justin Performing face, and all of a sudden everything is presupposed. I don't actually think about what I'm saying, I just say things "like an actor would." In the end I'm making things much harder than they need to be. Why not just stop, focus on each word and speak the text. Half the time that is all the audience wants to see. Simple is better. Simple is the key. The world loves watching humans be human, and in order to do that, to react genuinely, so that people believe you, is to JUST BE YOU!!!! That's it, imagine that, that's all you have to do.

Today was a weird day. Emotionally I was all over the map, feeling great, and then feeling sad, and then wanting to cry, but not knowing how, and then feeling mello, and then wanting to cry again, then trying to be happy, but not really feeling great. We had a yoga session this morning which applied the breathing and movement of yoga with warming up the voice. It was really cool, and I got to go up, sing a warm up, and work on being grounded, and know where my support is. Also he made it clear that a dancers home position is not that of a singer. In the afternoon I had a lesson with John Avey and we pretty much made a massive breakthrough on my voice. I sing from my Laryx. When I sing all my sound comes from my vocal folds. I have manufactured a vibrato that is created by the laryx shaking back and forth. It finally makes sense to me why I feel like I'm working so hard all the time, it's because I am. I'm working way to hard, singing should feel easy. There should be absolutely no strain on the vocal chords, NON WHAT SO EVER! Another student, Cameron, can into my lesson at the end and John and him observed my voice. I was really nice to have a least taken a step in some sort of direction. To have people around me to explore with. I'm slowly caring less and less about impressing people and more and more about wanting to accept my voice for what it is. That was my goal of this program, to accept my voice and play on stage.

After the lesson I left feeling unsettled, and as strange as it feels I welcome that feeling with open arms. That means change is a comin, and I have to keep practicing patience. Keep things simple, listen, and react with your heart.

Well folks, It been another full day, and I must get to bed. Until tomorrow! Cheers!

Over and Out!!