W2D3 - Cry Fest

Well, if you read the title of this entry, you may be a little intrigued. I had quite the emotional roller coaster ride today. All the way from laughing my head off in Romeo and Juliet fight rehearsal, to rockin it out on the dance floor in dance class, to hyperventilating on the floor crying in Alexander Technique, to enjoying a fantastic lesson with Jackie (and Beth). It was one bizarre day!

I will start by saying that I was late today. I wasted a lot of time when I got up, and I have realized that I could, in fact, have made it on time, if I wouldn't have spent so much time making stupid decisions, that shouldn't take that long to make. I sit there and ponder, rather than trusting my instincts. I take the time to think because I want to be prepared, because I don't want to look like I don't know what I'm doing, because heaven forbid someone noticing I'm not perfect (note the sarcasm - and I literally have to type that because in retrospect, I would be serious about thinking I have to be perfect all the time) Looking back on my life, I realize I have spent a lot of time making sure everything is prepared, in order to stay in control of each situation. This task of making a decision comes up all the time. Down to the chocolate bar I choose at 7-11. These are all part of my habits. I want to know that I am making the right decision so that I don't regret it. I don't really see this as a bad thing, but I'm not really letting my instincts take over. As an actor you have to trust your instincts (also just as a human being, it's a good thing) When I over analyse every decision I make, I'm not letting my instincts kick in. We will always have an instinct reaction to everything that happens, and more times than none, we should follow them. Thinking isn't bad, because it's also important to make the best decision possible. I don't believe in doing something the wrong way. I believe we can train ourselves, sort of, to instinctively make the best decision possible. And maybe part of that is having a sense that every decision you make will help you grow, and in that, all decisions are helpful and teach you something about yourself.

Ironically, our Morning Inspiration today was all about being prepared, I didn't catch the whole thing, because I was late, but it was because I was preparing so long, that I was late. We all waste a lot of time thinking. Just do it!!!

I started with dance class this morning, and it was fantastic. We learned a little combo across the floor, and I am constantly impressed at how fast people pick up the choreo, and how much fun everyone is having. It's an amazing vibe, with such positivity floating around at all times. So I left dance feeling good, a little tired, but good. Little did I know what lay ahead in Alexander Technique with Candice.

Alexander Technique is a relaxation/body alignment theory that comes from Europe. It's all about living in the body that you were created in. Especially we all have perfect bodies, God created us that way, but we have tons of bad habits. Ways of doing things that clash with how our bodies are actually suppose to function. From the work we have done so far, 9 out of 10 people lean back when they are just standing in what they would call a normal position. Or they lean to one side. All these things cause tension in other areas of our body and it creates tension. The tension needs to be countered by something, so another part of your body, a lot of the times your bum, or ab muscles, compensate for the leaning back stance. It soon becomes normal for your abs so always be engaged, and working. What do you think that does to your stomach and internal organs? What does that do to your breathing? What does that do to you hips. I could go on and on about Alexander, but that would take a whole other blog. This gives you an idea of what it's all about. We are trying to find the real normal state/stance in which your body was meant to be in. Sort of Confusing, but it's a really amazing class.
Today she realignment me and what I felt like and what I looked like were two very completely different things. When she was done alignment (just standing up) I felt like I was bending over like a monkey, and then when I looked in the mirror beside me, I was standing up completely straight. Like we are talking the most straight and natural looking I've ever looked. It blew my mind. At first I was just overwhelmed and didn't know what to think. How is that possible. To feel like you are hunched over, and actually be standing straight up. But what had happened, is that I had gotten so used to standing in a leaning back stance. Basically, I felt like I had been robbed 15 years of my life of standing in a position that i thought was strong and manly, but actually was less masculine and more sloppy. When Candice aligned me, people were saying I looked more organic, and masculine. I have been overcompensating my masculinity since I was in junior high school. In the heat of the moment, I broke down. Literally sobbing and hyper ventilating, falling on the floor, surrendering to this feeling of shame and disappointment, and anger. "Why did I to that, why was I trying to be/talk/stand like somebody else?" If I would have only known that I could have stood like I did today for the past 12 years and felt comfortable. AHHHHHHH, it's not fair.
Those were the thoughts rushing through my brain and heart. That moment of surrender was the most raw I've ever felt in my life, but it was all me, and only me. I felt like me, and no one else. ME!!! JUSTIN GERHARD KLASSEN FRIESEN. It was amazing, terrifying, and hopeful all in one snap shot. I left the class feeling quite sad, but knew that I had a whole day ahead of me, so I pretty much had to keep going. For the rest of the day, I told myself to be open to everything. Which I will continue to make a goal for each day!!

After lunch I had a fantastic Broadway rehearsal for the Classic Broadway show we are putting on tomorrow night, and then I had a wonderful lesson with Jackie Short. I rediscovered my breath, and where it comes from. (and I'm not going to loose it) It's amazing how everything just kinda falls into place when you breath into your lungs (which really means your rib change expands) I can't wait for another lesson tomorrow:]

Last in the day, we had a fight rehearsal workshop with the cast of Romeo and Juliet. It was slow at the start, but then all of a sudden Josh, Andrew, Emma and I were laughing so hard about everything and it was a blast. What an amazing way to end off a crazy day.

It was nuts, but it was fun nuts! Nuts in a way that there was a step forward, and that is what really matters. I must get to bed, having tomorrow makes it an early morning. This is Justin signing off.

Over and Out!