W2D1 - What is FEAR?

It's funny how you get into such a routine of waking up early, and then all of a sudden you are aloud to sleep in for a day, and your body feels a little waked out. Yesterday I sort of slept in, and then today, it's not like it was really hard to get up, but my routine was gone. Back to square one, well not really square one, more like 1.2. Last week Tuesday, I think, I woke up and decided today was the day I wasn't going to use the snooze button anymore, and since that day, my body has woken itself up. I set my alarm for 6 o clock, and I wake up at 5:55, no problem. My internal clock is alive and well, who knew!!! Even today, I woke up before my alarm went off. I was definitely tempted to use my snooze button, but it was much easier this time to say no, and just get up! Before I go to bed, I decided that I will not hit snooze, and then I somehow wake myself up!

The day started off with a Mini Master class with Kim Barber and Laura Loewen. Both fantastic artists. There were 4 buys in the class, all baritones, and all with very different voices. Alfred did a Schubert Lieder first, and then Ed followed by an aria from Romeo and Juliet, then it was my turn. I was going to do some lieder as well, but then realized that I really want to work on my french. I'm singing all my opera roles in french, and I love the language, but don't feel that comfortable singing in it. So I pulled out Roncontre by Faure from a set called Poem du jour! Lovely little collection. I hadn't really warmed up yet, and there are some higher parts to the piece, so I was kinda nervous, but I just say, what the hell, just go for it. (it's one of our new phrases at NUOVA, [from Carol Castel] when you are in a pickle, or something just isn't going right, or you are afraid, just say 'what the hell,' and try it, see what happens) I sang the piece and it went way better then I thought, and then Kim made a few suggestions about how to sing french music. It's all about the vowels, something I've been told before. But never realized how much more fun french music is, when you are really focusing on the vowels, and letting the vowels resonate. French people speak with everything in their lips and at the edge of there mouths. They drink the vowels in and let them slash around in there mouths. It's delicious music to sing, especially Faure!! I can't wait to work with Laura and Kim again!

Next, I moved on over to the Timms centre for Creative Process with Carol. You never quite know what that class is going to be like until you get there. Today was all about fear. Last week we all wrote down what was stopping us from getting what we want, as a performer, and a lot of people have fears of what others think about them. We live and perform in this criteria that doesn't actually exist. We assume what someone else is thinking, but in reality we don't actually know at all what they are thinking. So many of us become obsessed with doing something the right way. THE IS NO RIGHT WAY, there are better ways, and better choices, but nothing is the right, or wrong way. Fear is created by these expectations to not live up to the criteria that we think other people are creating. Carol asked us what our fears were, and then we applied it to our practice and rehearsal time. I said that when I go into a rehearsal, all i want to do it 'be awesome.' I know, a little ridiculous, but when it comes down to it, I don't want to suck. Oh my goodness, what back up way of thinking. Justin, come on! Left brain is doing way to much thinking. Forget about what anyone else thinking, but most of the time, they aren't judging. They are probably watching, but they aren't judging you. And if you are confident, and know yourself well enough, you can do anything, and everyone will believe you. We give so much power away when we live by other peoples criteria. Power is an energy between people, it doesn't come from authority, or hierarchy. You control how much power you have! That energy and power needs to be used on stage. We played a game where we threw "the ball of life" around the circle (imagine an imaginary ball that changes colours and sizes and is really cool). We all observed how the ball was tossed and then how it was caught. The energy is passed one way, and you if you don't catch it in a similar fashion, the energy changes. You kinda want to caught the ball of life in the same energy it was thrown in. However, once you have the ball of life, you can throw it to something else in a different way. Just like on stage, you have to be listening to those around you and when someone says a line, or action to you, you take the energy, and then throw it to someone else, not necessarily in the same energy. The idea is that we all react differently, and aren't going to use the exact same energy. We must take the energy and then make it our own. And to make it your own, you must know yourself. Sounds easy, but knowing yourself is harder than it seems, or is it? It's one of those easy but really simple things about life.

Moving on to the afternoon, I had a great session with Rosemary Thompson, conductor for Romeo and Juliet, as well as Nico Castel, for my character of Gregorio in Romeo and Juliet. We sang through all my recits, and Rosemary said they had improved since the end of last week. So at least I'm on the right track. French is still hard to wrap my mouth around, but it just takes time for your mouth muscles to learn the shapes of the vowels. Nico and Rosemary are so much fun to work with. You CAN'T NOT have fun with them:)

Then I had a little exploritor lesson with Cam Mcphail. (side note: blog readers, watch out for this boy. He is going to take the opera world by storm. He has a brilliant voice, that is just itching to to a masters, and also sing professionally. I believe he is going to Yale for his masters this coming year. Seriously, I'm tellin you, keep your eyes peeled. He is a great guy with a grounding head on this shoulders. Genuine person, who loves to sing and loves to help others explore their voices)

So him and I took to the practice studio. He somehow got me to sing with my real voice. For those that that doesn't make sense, I basically don't use my full voice, because I don't really know how. It's a combination of being too tight in ab muscles, and also have a really tight jaw, which restricts the way I speak. Somehow Cam managed to relax my abs and open my mouth properly, and for 4 seconds, I was singing with my full 360 voice. It was resonating throughout my entire body, and the right and vibrato was organic. It felt effortless, and didn't even know what to do, because I wasn't doing anything. It was just ringing. Now that lasted about 4 seconds, but it felt like years. Then we attempted to find it again, and it was gone. So it was great, we are taking small steps, but what the hell, we are moving forward and that is what this program is all about for me. "I AM HERE TO FIND MY VOICE AND ACCEPT IT THE WAY IT IS!! and that excites me. I want my own voice, that isn't like anyone Else's. A voice is like a finger print. I look forward to more exploration sessions/lessons with Cam. It was a ton of fun.

The even was quite long, consisting of blocking our trio from Beatrice and Benedict. It was really slow moving, so it was hard to keep the energy level up. It was still fun because we got to sword fight. Another reason to come see the show.

Lastly, before I hit the hay, I am going to start a new thing I picked up from Kim Mattice Wanat. This is a way to be organized when you have way to many things on your mind, and too makes things to get done. Sticky notes!!!! 90 percent of the battle, when you are trying to get something done, is getting started. I am often too overwhelmed with everything that i don't know where to start. So my new goal is to write things on sticky notes when they are important. Then whenever I have a spare moment, I will just look at my sticky notes and pick something and just do it. It all needs to get done at some point, so I mind as well just pick one and got for it. I also want to use this in the practice room. Practice with purpose. Go in with a goal in mind. Don't just got practice and say, I want to be here for 2 hours. It's just like book work (dad this is for you) you can't just go in a say, okay I'm going to do this for 4 hours, and see how far I get. NO NO NO, you need to go in with a specific goal in mind. Make manageable goals. It seems silly, but your time spend working will be much more productive.

To me, these are just small things that can help keep life less stressful. We have enough stress. They are hard to get into the habit of doing, but I think they are positive ways to structure your life. I'm game to try it, and see what happens. These 6 weeks are all about being uncomfortable, and trying anything and everything. If you don't try, there is no chance for success or failure, and that would just be boring. Challenge yourself and try whatever it is that you are afraid of.

Well, it's once again too late. But I hoping the Matte I got from my dear cousins Justin and Devo will help with the energy levels tomorrow. Getting up early for yoga, it's gonna be great. Until tomorrow, cheers!

Over and Out!!